Effulgent
by javct
Summary: In which Clint speaks at Natasha funeral. A 'Dear Natasha' counterpart. oneshot.


**Author's Note: **Wow, can I just say wow. I so didn't expect 'Dear Natasha' to get twenty reviews; let alone over 200! You guys are really amazing! I kind of wrote this because I was bored in Maths and _this_ happened. I hope you guys enjoy it. It's dedicated to the amazing Hannah & Ben who wrote and sung 'Dearest Natasha'. THey're both amazing and so cool! (Hannah also has an amazing voice by the way)

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing! The lyrics are from 'Learn Me Right' by Birdy&Mumford & Sons and 'The Cave' by Mumford & Sons.

Enjoy!

* * *

We will run and scream, you will dance with me  
We'll fulfill our dreams and we'll be free  
We will be who we are, and they'll heal our scars  
Sadness will be far away

* * *

And I'll find strength in pain  
And I will change my ways  
I'll know my name as it's called again

* * *

**- Clint speaks -**

_(—They stare, stare and stare some more—)_

"I thank you all for coming today,"

_(—Liars; they're all liars. Look at the sympathy on their faces: liars! —)_

"We are here today under terrible circumstances. We are here—"

_(—Words catch in your throat. These liars don't deserve to hear what you have to say—)_

"We are here today to celebrate the life of Natasha Romanov whose life was cut short by a tragic accident. I cannot comment on your personal relationship with her but I thought that I should share what my relationship with her. Natasha Romanov, well, I met her in a mission to Budapest; I was sent to kill her but there was just something about her that made me abort the mission."

_(—You smile feebly to show them you're not weak. You're strong Barton; strong—)_

"She… She… Natasha made me a better person. Before her I was ruthless, following orders blindly and then she came; she made me realize that sometimes S.H.I.E.L.D doesn't make the best choices and to think for myself. Budapest changed me forever. Natasha Romanov was a light in the most difficult time of my life."

_(—Your voice falters as you think about the mistakes you made—)_

"The mistakes that I made with her…were unbearable. Being under Loki's control…I remember everything…all the things I did under his control; all the things I told him and secrets I gave away that I swore I never would. My skin curls when I think about what I did. Natasha was a decent soul, despite her red ledger; she was the person to make the sacrifice card. Natasha was better than me a million fold, why she chose me I still don't know."

_(—You can feel the tears forming. Crying won't help you. Natasha doesn't want to see you cry. Don't let them know you're weak—)_

"Some people doubted our love. Some people said that she wasn't capable of love but they didn't know her like I did. No one knew the Natasha I did. I knew almost everything about her; I could read her like a book. She hated it. Did you know that Natasha had a secret smile, yeah, she did, when she was at peace with no gun on her hip or in her boot, she changed. She went from the Black Widow to Natasha Romanov."

_(—A few people pull out tissues. You want to slap them; no one cared about Natasha as much as you did—)_

"I miss you Tasha. I miss you and you haven't even been gone for so long. You've been on missions for there is a difference this time. The difference is that now you're not coming back. Not now and not ever. Are you happy up there? Is Coulson with you? What about Peggy; I suppose you haven't met her yet. Natasha, why did you leave me? Didn't you love me?"

_(—You're crying now. Crying so hard that you cannot finish your speech. The words on the paper have blurred and you're body is shaking. Through your tears you swear you see Natasha outside the church in the sunlight. She's wearing a white dress and her hair is her natural red. She's not wearing any guns and she's smiling; laughing almost. She doesn't move but just stares at you, the sunlight reflecting off her hair. You blink and she's gone. You feel a hand on your shoulder and look to your right. Jane had a hand on your shoulder and was reading your eulogy for you. She was saying it beautifully. It makes you cry harder—)_

**-Jane speaks-**

"I asked her to marry me. It was raining when I asked, just like our first kiss and our first meeting. It was also the rain, Natasha and I. It seemed as though we couldn't have an important in our lives without the rain. God took my love away from me and with that, He took my heart. We can only wish that the Angels took Natasha with them on their way to heaven. We can only hope…"

_(—Natasha why did you leave me? Did you get my letters? Maybe you can read them in heaven—)_

"She wasn't taken away from us violently, as some like to believe. No, Natasha went peacefully in her sleep. She was beautiful, I'm not sure if any of you saw it but she was beautiful. I don't think that anyone truly appreciated her, not even I. We all took her for granted, than again, isn't that what we do with the people we love? We don't realize how much we love them until their gone. Well if that's true than I only realized just how in love I was with Natasha until yesterday. She was my other half, completely and utterly."

_(—Are you happy Natasha? I'm sorry that I couldn't finish your speech, what kind of fiancé am I? I hope you can forgive me—)_

"Natasha Romanoff died on the 25th January 2013, a day that I'm sure will never be the same for us again. Everything happens for a reason, it really does. I don't know much about muchness but the statistical probability of Natasha Romanov falling in love was zero. I never thought that in a million years that she was going to fall for me, let alone me fall for me. I thought of her as a sister; someone I could tell anything. She was the most important person in my world. I miss you Tasha, I really do and I'll miss you forever. Everyone in this room will miss you."

_(—They're all crying for Tasha can you see them? They're all crying. Can't you come back? Surely God could make an exception just this once. I'll take your place. How about that aye Romanoff? You can come back and I'll spend an eternity wherever you are - here's hoping it's somewhere nice - do you want to do that? Swap places? —)_

"Come back to me Natasha, please just come back to me. Just once more. Let me have one last touch of your skin, one last kiss, and one last embrace. Just one. Congregation Natasha could do one thing better than anyone else: she could live and I suppose, in the end, that's all that matters isn't it, that she lived. Natasha Romanoff, the woman without a childhood that never quite grew up; the woman who loved an unlovable man; the woman that feared no one and gave compassion to those in most need of it. That girl that you all knew so well lived. She lived."

_(—Jane finishes and hugs you. You feel empty, completely empty. Flash images of Natasha and you run through your head like a silent movie. She's smiling. She's making tea. She's saying, "I love you". She's laughing. She's dancing. She's speaking Russian. _

_Jane leads you back down to the seats and gives you a bittersweet smile almost as though to say that she understands. Through the rest of the funeral, you think about all the little things you're going to miss. You begin a mental letter—)_

* * *

Dear Natasha,

I never told you enough time but I love you. I really do. I truly genuinely love you. You were my lover, my soul mate and my friend. I hope you find what you're looking for. I really do.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you.

Goodbye.


End file.
